she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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