if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
barbara walters just said penis...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
