Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
