I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
