Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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