Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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