Walk of Shame. In a state park.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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