Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
