Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
