i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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