I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
