4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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