ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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