Where are you?
In a non slutty way
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
