How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize