You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
