I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
