the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
