So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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