I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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