just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
