I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
