When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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