I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
