I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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