Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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