Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
