I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
