if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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