I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
