he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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