Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think your dad took our porno
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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