I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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