I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
