Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
