if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it penis luge time yet?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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