I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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