I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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