Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
