Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
