i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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