Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
