i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You smell like stripper and shame
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
