You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
