Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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