i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
