some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
