i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
