hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
