I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
50% drunk capacity currently
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
