Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
