I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize