Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
