My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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