she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
