I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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