Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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