I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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