I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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