woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
