I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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