Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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