Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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