My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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