we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How external is "for external use only"?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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