it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
