Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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