I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
