I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
