his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
