No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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