That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
