is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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