good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
