I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
