I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
