I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
pray to the hookup gods
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
