it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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