What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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